I feel like a part of me is dying. Humans need affection and companionship… I can’t even get it on occasion… I get used; and it’s sad because I play into it… because of my need for affection. I try so hard to give it and I don’t get it back…
People can’t just pick and choose when they want me in their lives. It doesn’t work that way…
I’m getting really depressed… I think everything is finally hitting me.
I mean to reply to all of your responses to my text posts… I really do.
But right now, I am a little intoxicated and I can’t do 500 things at once. I can merely write this post, and go through and edit my red lines. I want to sound like I’m at least grammatically correct when I drunkenly write.
The moral of tonight’s story is that I was really nervous to talk to this guy that works at one of the bars I go to a lot… and when I say nervous, I mean UNBELIEVABLY nervous - I have NO social skills with flirting… at all - and anyway, my friends are fantastic wing women and they basically forced me to talk to him and in the end he said I was cute, although he couldn’t talk to me because he was working - which I understand…
So, even if he’s not interested, he at least said I was cute and that makes me less nervous. :)
I’m the type of person that gets extremely hurt when I get ignored by people - not so much on the internet - but really only with the people I know in person. If I go out of my way to try to talk to you, I would appreciate a text back or some form of acknowledgment that you give a shit. Ignoring me is the worst thing you can do. I would honestly prefer a “Fuck off” instead.
This is why I cut people out. I’d rather be alone than attach myself to friends or anyone else with potential for more, and inevitably get let down in one way or another.
In a sense, I’m pretty hypocritical when it comes to my peeves though because I can hardly answer my messages on here most of the time. But again, that’s not entirely related because I’m mainly talking about the people I know in person.